The Nod

In the recent state of the world, many of us have been swept away in the madness...

Personally, I was already working in a white male dominated field. That alone was already a significant stressor.

As a mother of 4 at home that works outside the home, the recent pandemic sent our family into a tailspin. I am the manager of my department at work and considered, "essential personnel." Thankfully, I was in the position to work from home to a degree.

I have tried and not quite succeeded in being a stay at home mom in the past. It was not in the best interest of my mental health. This go round, I had much less of a choice in the matter.

But as a mom, I trudged forward in spite of it all. That's what we do...

I moved forward to provide stability, safety and peace of mind for my children. Its was(is) not easy.

Like many of you, I moved forward with a load on my back. I carried the missing people and multiple murders of black children that could easily be any one of my own. carried my career. I carried the shadows of my past failures as a stay at home mom. I carried the instability of my husband's career. I carried the worry of the looming pandemic and how it would shape our lives moving forward.

I have a decent toolbox of things I use to manage stress and to help myself cope. Many of those things went out the door. There is no gym. There are no more coffee dates. There are no more car rides to get the kids alone or leisurely grocery trips.

I am actively re-learning how to cope and manage my new life.

I have found myself so anxious at times that despite the fact that I feel exhausted, I have the raging urge to run

One thing that I've picked back up is walking...

As a kid in New Orleans, walking was a normal part of everyday life. It was something I carried into my teenage years. As we started our family, it grew nearly impossible to take a leisurely walk with 3 kids under 3. I left it behind for years.

In this new pandemic, I have decided to pick up the habit back up. I am able to walk for miles through our neighborhood pushing my stroller. My youngest is content to nap all the while....

Today, I decided to take an early morning walk as opposed to a walk in the evening.

It felt like a Florida fail...

But, I went.

As I'm pushing my stroller, I can see a woman running in my direction. No big deal, as I make a point to keep my head on a swivel when I am out.

But, y'all I do not see well, even with my glasses.

As she approached, I could see her neon joggers and fire red locs coming towards me. That already made me happy to see a real woman out here trying to get it like me.

I know and follow a lot of balck fitness pages, but as a real life person, my surroundings don't typically reflect that type of image. And I get it. It's a huge challenge being a mom. Our personal fitness and physical health often stands as the sacrifice for holding everything else together.

As she gets closer, we exchange smiles and The Nod and keep going. That gave me a little boost.

Flash forward to about thirty minutes later. Baby is in a deep sleep and it has warmed up considerably. I've slowed to a snail's pace. Then I see a flash of red hair turning the corner. It's my girl! My first thought was, damn I'm proud of her. She is really still out here running... I smile and she yells from across the street, " You getting it!" I legit almost hollered Yassssssss... but the way my overthinking is set up....it was not going to happen.

I hollered back across, "You are! Keep it up!" She smiled and picked her pace back up.

To the outside world, such a small exchange might seem grossly insignificant, but not for me. Not today... I felt a little less alone in that moment. I felt uplifted when I was most exhausted. I had a bonus sister rooting for me the way I was rooting for her.

It really drove home a point for me. In the midst of everything, we need each other. Just to show up for us.

We as black people are fed so many negative narratives and spoonfed that we all secretly hate/ hate on each other.

That's not the case. So, that being said, let's challenge ourselves to love a black man or woman out loud this week. They might need it more than you think.