A Working Mom
My Experience as a Working Mom
So naturally, as the independent woman I claim to be, I started off motherhood as a working mom. Yayy... Not going to lie, it felt pretty breezy with our first kid. I had it together. I felt like the trendy California moms we see on TV.
Our son was born in the middle of my husband's deployment. While my husband was fortunate enough to be home for his birth, he was sent back out shortly after. For the most part it was me and the little man. We took walks, went to the the beaches, hit the mall regularly and even drove down to Los Angeles with my mother in law. Easy day. We even looked cute doing it.
So when my husband got back from deployment and we settled into our routine, planning our next pregnancy seemed like a no-brainer.
Work was demanding for both my husband and I, but we had reliable childcare and a good team mentality. Our next pregnancy turned out to be twins and life picked up pace dramatically. Thankfully we had the help of our sisters to get us through managing 3 kids under 3 and both being active duty in the military. Fast forward to today. We have an 8 year old, 7 year old twins and an 8 month old plus a dog. I'm no longer in the military but my husband is and I work full time.
This shit is crazy.
I could go on about how I institute work life balance and scheduling to fit everything into the days. That'd be a boldface lie.
I wake up late most days. I make a mad dash to get out the house sorta on time. There is usually yelling and then apologizing and kisses... The only thing that partially saves me is that I do like to set out clothes and snacks at night. I sign permission slips in the car and turn in forms on the last day.
I hate sports and I think we all cried everyday before practice when all 3 kids played soccer one season. I have deep appreciation for take out.
Some might wonder with 4 children why I wouldn't choose to be a stay at home mother (we can go into the story of how I tried it once another time). My husband has offered it on multiple occasions.
For me, I have a deep desire to still be an individual outside of motherhood. I know I may get some screwed up faces and side eyes at that one. Personally, I am not content with a life only defined by motherhood. I still want to continue to build a life that I will be fulfilled by and can live once my children are adults and building their own lives.
Part of that is continuing to build my career. So, I choose to be a working mom. It's rough sometimes, but worth it to me.
I get a sense of relief when I walk into my office and submerge myself into my work. Sure, I have pictures of the family in my office and the crystal heart my kids picked for me on display. But, I'm not a mommy at work. I'm a supervisor and a technician. I'm smart and I am looked to to solve complex issues that don't involve dinner or herding children.
I get a sense of relief by spending 8 hours a day not being a mom. It may seem weird to some, but it's freeing and gives me sense of purpose.
I think that there is certain level of martyrdom that is assigned to motherhood. There is a whole other level when it comes to black motherhood. We are expected to grin and bear all the struggles and never crack. To be the gentle guiding and efficient mother, doting and patient wife and homemaker. And please remember to look good and smile while doing so.
For me, working outside the home takes a bit of the martyrdom away and replaces it with a sense of individual self.
What is your experience as a mom working outside the home? Is it empowering for you?